Dear 21 year old me,
I know. You’re frustrated.
I am probably going to increase that frustration with lots of cliche’s throughout this letter (I know you’re going to be rolling your eyes the entire time) but there is a reason these things are said.
Trust the process, right now I know nothing feels like how you expected to and going forward there is going to be lots of disappointment for sure, but please continue to have hope.
I am really sorry for what you went through and seen what you seen, that should never of happened to you, or anyone.
I know at the moment your anxiety completely controls you and it feels like nobody understands but honestly, there is more people out there who feel just like you (people you would never expect!). I really want you to believe in your future self, even though it seems impossible right now you do learn how to manage those waves of panic and dreaded thoughts. It’s going to take a while but it does get better, keep going.
Can we please stop letting other peoples opinions of you hold you back?!?! You are soooo capable!!!!
I know how negative feedback can feel and our sensitivity can be seen as a flaw but I promise you it is not. Being the sensitive person we are is going to help us and others in our future – stop beating yourself up for crying so much. Our tear ducts are just made a little looser than others, we are still strong and capable (ignore what that boss said to you, right now it seems big but in a few years I promise you’ll laugh).
Please stop being so defensive, sometimes (sorry but it’s the truth) you are the problem – and that is OK! Taking accountability is going to help us grow into a better person (ITS NOT EASY) but the growth is worth it to be best version of ourselves.
You’re going to meet someone, actually, you’re going to meet many people who show you what love is. You won’t feel this lonely forever so like I said, please, trust this process.
A few little things to help that crippling anxiety;
– Lay of the caffeine, decaf is your friend
– Keep running, you’ll surprise yourself from where you started
– Hug Woody extra tight, even on your worst days he is so glad you exist.
– Your art isn’t for everyone, but some people love it, continue to create- it makes you happy
Lastly, I am so proud of you. I understand that really stubborn black cloud above your head wont shift. Everyday is a constant battle with conflict in your mind, getting out of bed is a hurdle in itself and there is little to no hope, but you’re still doing it.
Stick around, I am excited for you to see what lifes got in store for you.
Your future self x