How do you ground yourself when the world is on fire? In a reality where we’re expected to be chronically online, live with global conflicts and somehow navigate the every-day, ‘self-care’ can feel like just another chore on the to-do list.
But for Fearne Cotton, finding your footing is about giving yourself permission to be kind, enjoying a quiet walk by the riverfront, and finding freedom on the canvas, not about an extravagant lifestyle. We sat down with Fearne to discuss what it actually takes to remain soft in today’s climate, learning to tolerate the parts of ourselves we dislike most, and the messy beauty of owning our mistakes.
We all say ‘we’re fine’ when we know it’s just our autopilot response to life. How are you actually doing today?
I’m tired and middling. I had a great weekend with my kids, so I feel grateful and boosted, but I’m also not sleeping great and have a lot on my plate. I’m currently focusing on the bigger picture: family, health, and keeping my nervous system calm. So today, I’m feeling grateful.
The world is loud and unpredictable at the moment; do you feel you can be soft in it? If so, how?
Yes, if anything, the louder and grittier it gets, the softer I feel I need to be. I can easily feel overwhelmed, and having had some rough patches mentally, I know only too well how important it is to look after ourselves so we can then help others.
I’m currently eating well, resting where possible, and am having a few weeks of not drinking, as I know I need to be even more grounded and have clarity at this time.
We aren’t going to get out of this troublesome period with more anger and fire. We need softness, clear communication, and compassion for ourselves and others.
When life throws you off balance, what is your immediate, non-negotiable move to ground yourself?
Going for a massive walk. Every time, I hit the pavements and walk. I’ll either listen to calming music or have nothing in my ears and just let my brain process what it needs to. I love walking by the River Thames. There is something so calming about it.
We all have that internal ‘stuff’ we keep quiet. What’s the one fear you’re tired of keeping under wraps?
I have loads, but I think the most annoying, daily one is that I’m not doing enough. I can easily give myself a hard time if I’m not working as hard as I could be or am not pushing myself. It’s become a daily discipline to let myself off the hook and have moments of stopping, painting at home on my own or pottering about without haste.
Who (or what) gets to see the raw, unedited version of you when things get heavy? Why them?
My kids. I’m fine with them viewing me as a fallible human. If I mess up, I always say sorry, which has instilled in them a very natural apology reflex when necessary, too. At home, I’m quiet, goofy, tired, irritable, flustered, silly, and everything in between, and they see it all.
What’s that one thing (no matter how small or random) that genuinely brings you back to yourself?
Painting. I feel well when I paint. It’s hard to describe, but everything slots into place. I feel very ‘me’ and most thoughts are flatline. It’s the quickest way to quieten my brain.
What’s one of the core things you’ve learnt about yourself during some of your tougher days?
That it always passes. Nothing lasts forever. There was a time when I genuinely thought I would never feel okay again. Navigating those tough times and knowing I am okay gives me hope that I can continue to move through rough patches.
How do you handle saying ‘I messed up’? When was the last time you genuinely owned it?
All the time. I’m pretty good at admitting when I’ve fucked up. Mostly with my kids. If I have become irritable or forget something they need for school, I will always say sorry.
I once had a misunderstanding with a mate, and we didn’t speak for a while. I found it so heartbreaking that I reached out and owned my part in it, which led to an amazing meeting of minds and a much tighter friendship today.
If you could make life 10% easier, what would that action or change be?
That I could fall asleep straight away. It’s not a given, as my mind races so much, and I would cope a lot better if I had 8 hours every night.
What’s the biggest ‘mental health myth’ you’re tired of hearing people repeat?
“Have you tried lavender spray?!” Fuck off. I’ve tried melatonin, diazepam, sleeping pills, as well as meditating, sprays, magnesium, etc. When you can’t sleep, you’ve tried it all. It requires much more than a topical approach, so when someone sees it as fixable with a product, I want to scream.
What does your ‘mental maintenance’ actually look like? Bubble baths and spa days are great, but what tools are your instant go-to?
Eating well. Giving myself rest. Letting myself off the hook. Forgiving myself for past mistakes. Learning to like myself, even the bits that I find intolerable. Hanging out with good folk. Saying no more. Painting more. Drinking less. Remembering to have fun.
A thought from our founder, Jodie:
It’s refreshing to hear Fearne talk about mental health in action. Let’s be real: sailing through life with perfect mental health is an impossible ask (and frankly, boring).
As a therapist and a fellow messy human, I know that when things get heavy, the key isn’t running away. It’s staying close to ourselves and embracing the whole human landscape – from joy to shame, and everything in between. That’s how we stay afloat.
I’ll be diving deeper into these themes at the Happy Place Festival on July 11th, 2026. Pop over, listen, have a chat and come learn how you too can embrace being a real, authentic human.