Supporting someone you care about isn’t always easy. Especially when that someone is a man who insists he’s “fine.”
Maybe he brushes off stress with a joke. Maybe he’s quieter than usual. Maybe he doesn’t even know how he feels.
You don’t need to have all the answers. You just need to meet him where he is.
Start small
Big conversations rarely start big. Sometimes it’s enough to ask:
- “Rough week?”
- “Where’s your head at?”
- “You alright, mate?”
And then… actually listen. You’re not prying. You’re opening a door. Sometimes the smallest question can make the biggest difference. Process what they’re saying before you follow up; that pause to process can mean so much more than a quick reply full of platitudes.
Take care of yourself too
Supporting someone else takes energy. You can’t keep giving it if you’re running on fumes.
Check in with yourself too: how are you doing? What’s weighing on you? It’s okay to need support while giving it. In fact, it makes you better at both.
Understand the pressures he faces
Being a man can come with a lot of expectations—from family, friends, work, culture, and even himself. He might feel he has to:
- Perform at work, at home, or in social spaces without showing cracks
- Always be “strong” or self-reliant
- Mask stress with humour
- Keep everything under control, even when life feels messy
It’s exhausting, and, normally, these pressures can make him reluctant to open up. He might hide how he’s feeling, overwork, distract himself, or just put his head down and try to push through.
Normalising this is important. It’s not weakness, laziness, or selfishness. It’s human. Most men experience these pressures in one form or another, even if they never say it out loud, even if it’s irrational.
You can acknowledge it gently: “I get that it’s hard to talk about this. You’re not alone in feeling this way.” That alone can lower the stakes enough for them to start sharing.
The big thing to know is there’s no universal thing that stops a man from opening up. Pressure, embarrassment, projections, trauma, the list goes on…
Encourage, don’t force
Beyond a conversation, sometimes it’s necessary to acknowledge that you’re not the right person to help someone carry what they’re carrying. Perhaps your mental health can’t sustain it, perhaps you’re too close to them or the issues they’re working through. It’s okay to hold someone without holding their pressures too.
Therapy or a quick MOT check-in can sound intimidating. Instead of pushing, normalise it:
- “I’ve been thinking about talking to someone myself.”
- “There’s this thing called an MOT — just a quick check-in, nothing heavy.”
Make it feel human, accessible, and ordinary. Gentle nudges work better than pressure.
Meet him there, meet yourself here
You can’t control whether he goes, talks, or opens up. But you can create a safe space where it feels okay. And you can do that without giving up your own needs.
Self Space is about meeting people where they are. That applies to the men you support – and to you, too.
Support doesn’t have to be dramatic. Sometimes it’s just knowing someone’s in your corner. Sometimes it’s encouraging him to take a small step, like booking an MOT check-in. Those small steps ripple out; they’re the kind of conversations that can slowly change what it means to be a man.
